Sometimes I feel too many emotions that it becomes so overwhelming that it almost feels like I’m drowning. All I really want to do in times like that is to distract myself with a good film, TV series or a book, or to just sleep. The problem is whenever I am at work and these emotions start drowning me, I feel all the anxiety creeping in and if I don’t fight that, I will literally have a meltdown.
I don’t know why I’m so emotional. I am better though comparing how I used to be. But I am still such an emotional person. I feel too much. I think too much. It’s not necessarily pessimistic, I just feel too much.
All I can do is just breathe. Allow myself to feel the emotions, the fear of not coping with them – take them all in inhale and calm myself down exhale. You know, if I really think about it, everything is really all in the head. Why do I let the stress control me? If it’s pertaining to my job, it’s really because I feel responsibile for things and I fear letting the team down. If it’s pertaining to life in general, I fear I will never be good enough for anything. I don’t like being disliked but yet I understand I am not everyone’s cup of tea. Of course, the feeling of being disliked whether it’s for a reason or without, is not something pleasant to feel.
I wish I was a more confident person. But I am human, and no matter how strong I can ever be, there will always be a weakness and this is mine – I care too much and sometimes, I don’t know how to let things go or to let things be. Perhaps some day, I will understand what to do with all these emotions. Is it wrong to believe that maybe feeling too much isn’t necessarily a bad thing, that it can be a strength? I want to believe I’m meant for more.