Old things and such

While on our way to have some Marble Slab Creamery today, I don’t know why my boyfriend, Marion, and I brought up the topic of Neopets.

Do you guys still remember Neopets? Well, for those not born in the cool 90’s age, Neopets is a virtual pet website. It was pretty cool back then when I was a kid in Primary school. Oh how I adored my cute little pets. Ah! I finally remembered how we came across that.

We were bloated and I told him how I first learned of that word and that was from Neopets. Well you see, like ordinary pets, they need to be fed so everytime I fed them, there would be a status telling me exactly how full they were. So if I overfed them, they’d be bloated.

Today when I got home, I typed Neopets in the search link to see if they still exist and yes they still do! I got really excited over this though I can’t remember what my old account’s username was, much less the password. I got excited because they still exist and it was a fragment of my childhood. A reminder of my kiddy days.

And then I went on to check Friendster. Yes, people, Friendster! That still exists as well. I don’t actually have a purpose of writing this post, I’m just simply sharing my fascination and short-lived joy of old finds. Haha maybe I guess I do miss being a kid sometimes. But I don’t ever want to go through PSLE and O levels again. :/

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Silver Year Anniversary

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“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

I really love this quote a lot. When Chels and I were kids, our parents would let us watch their wedding video in a VHS tape (that’s ancient) and we or rather I would cry, asking them why weren’t we invited to their wedding. You must first understand, dear readers, that we had a lot of older cousins who were getting married and we witnessed theirs and we saw our older cousins in my parents’ wedding and we wondered why weren’t we invited. Of course, that was a question that my parents did not know how to answer or begin to explain why at a young age.

25 Years later, at exactly 4pm (the time they got married), they renewed their vows and the celebrant priest was none other than our ever so lovable Fr JJ Fenelon. Chels and I stood there, watching with so much awe and joy as our parents renewed their vows and walked down the aisle once more. It was indeed a beautiful ceremony.

Growing up, I never truly faced a difficult childhood or teenhood (put aside rebelious years of growing up when curfews were implemented), because my parents were always very loving towards my sister and I and they made sure we were well provided for. I can’t even remember a time where they would make us feel bad about our intelligence or our appearances. They were never the sort. We had their full support in everything and they made it a point not to put any pressure on us. Yes, I boast about my family relationship because I am proud to be their child. I am blessed because God has blessed my parents’ marriage so fruitfully.

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And we had The Peaceful Warriors witness in this blessed ceremony as well. Thank you Daffy, Nick and Marion for coming down to join us in this joyous occasion and for helping us out with reception as well as carrying the gifts back to the car. Bel was unable to attend due to exams. But nonetheless, thank you guys.

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Above all, I hope that my relationship with the most amazing person in the world and my bestfriend, Marion Frayna, will turn out like my mum’s and dad’s for they have set such a wonderful example for us.

Footprints

I have been so bitter about the past. I mean, I am aware of the growing bitterness through all the heartaches and I wish I didn’t have to feel so many emotions every single time but I guess that is just who I am and how I grew up to be.

I won’t deny that time after time, I still grieve and sometimes get mad at all those who have chosen to leave, especially when I look through old photos of them or even the new ones they post of their current lives. They’re just reminders of how I’m not part of it anymore.

For the longest time, I’ve told myself to eventually forgive and let go but forgiveness is such a difficult thing. I mean, sometimes you make that concious decision on the spot to walk away and forgive, then other days you walk back to that same spot and choose differently. I do miss them you know. I wish they knew how much though. I wish there could be some sort of closure, some reconciliation.

I know I have pushed so many people away too and some of these dissolves in relationships are partly my fault in it. I can’t tell them how sorry I am because the friendship is beyond salvagable. I go to sleep at night, some nights, hoping or making a scenario in my head of when I will meet them again 5-10 years from now and how we would all be mature and civilised enough to reconcile eventually. I guess that’s why I keep making so many films about friendships.

Although I’m more or less happy with my life at this moment, I can’t ever forget them; the people who have left. People do leave footprints in your heart, and it’s never easy to remove them. 

I feel like my heart is some sort of wet cement that they have stepped; never prepared for what’s to come and when it finally dries and they have walked away, their footprints just remain.

I am growing more aware with how I deal with people. I’m trying hard not to be a possessive friend or one that loses her temper too much because the addition of both produces a bad result. It’s just sad that it took all those people for me to learn and be aware.

Oh well, such is life. People grow and change every day.