Let go and move on

“You’re the bestest friend anyone could ever have.”

This is applied to how many change of bestfriends you’ve had in your life? And this is exactly the reason why I gave up having one or finding one. Of course when I watch these TV shows or see some bestfriends really sticking it through all the way, I wish I had that for myself too but reality is such and the only bestfriends I know of is my dog, Suzie. Even with that, I know she will pass away one day.

I won’t deny that that line did sting my heart because I wonder – what was I to you then? I’m surprised that the dissolve in our friendship definitely outshone all the times I was actually there for you when no one else was or when the person who you claim is your bestfriend now bitched about you.

Things can change, I get that, and they definitely have but the very fact that you totally disregarded every single time I was there for you is downright ungrateful on your part.

I have actually started moving on the day we stopped seeing things in the same direction but the getting over takes some time. There are days, like today, that it upsets me. But then I remember, I don’t have to care because there’s nothing to care about here.

I have removed you from my life completely – removed you from all forms of social media – but the only thing I wish I could remove essence of you completely is my heart. You’re like the film I made – white patches on black paper, cause no matter how hard I try to peel the white paper from the black, there will always be patches of white still.

Goodbye, friend, or rather, stranger.

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Unwell

“All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I’m feeling like I’m headed for a
Breakdown
I don’t know why”

The little things

Today, I went to school all groggy. I have been feeling super cranky these past few days and feeling like all I crave for is my me-time. To make things worse, pre-production is hitting full-swing soon and I feel like I’m being pulled all over the place. It may not be true and it may just be my perception of things since I’ve already been feeling super cranky. Whatever it is, bottom line is, I’ve been in a bad mood lately. I have not been having enough quality time with Marion as well and it’s starting to upset me – he with army, and I with school. Our schedules aren’t in our favour.

But tonight, I am truly appreciative of the little things. Despite the foul mood I was in, the lack of quality time with Marion and the lethargy I have been feeling from the premenstrual syndrome, Marion coming to meet me all the way in Lasalle to have dinner with me really cheered me up. Firstly, don’t ask me why I am super pleased that we settled for dinner at some random newfound place. I think it’s because we usually settle for dinners at places we’ve already been to or places that are convenient, but tonight we decided to go on some cheap thrill adventure to try the everyday food that we eat at another place we have not discovered before. I guess that also reflects our relationship and how sometimes we decide to remain comfortable. Not that it gets boring but sometimes these little adventures are the little spices in the relationship and it’s the little things that really keeps the flame burning. After dinner, we shared Mango Sago at a dessert place within the area and again, it’s these little adventures.

I came back home and I find my sister and my boyfriend playing with one another the way they usually do and my whole family was enjoying a good laugh just watching Marion carrying Chels. You may not find it entertaining or funny, but this ending to my day truly means a lot to me. It’s these little things and coming back home to loved ones like them that really makes all the stress in school bearable. 

Thank you, Father, for blessing me with my family and Marion.

‘Annoyed’ is the word of the day

When you tell someone you actually trust that you’re having a bad day with legit reasons and they annoy you further. What ticks me off more is that they then justify why they are right by calling you cranky to make you sound like you’re in the wrong. So when I’m too nice, everybody tells me to stand up for myself then when I finally snap because I really am in no mood to take it anymore, I get told off for. Logic.