I’m tired.


How I feel about you

You make me smile like the sun,
Fall out of bed,
Sing like a bird,
Dizzy in my head,
Spin like a record,
Crazy on a Sunday night.
You make me dance like a fool,
Forget how to breathe,
Shine like gold,
Buzz like a bee.
Just the thought of you can drive me wild.
Oh you make me smile.

Worn me down

I’m incredibly tired and I need Your strength to get me through. I know You will come to my aid, I know You are there but help me also to believe that You are bigger than anything and to allow You to take the wheel. I ask for help, but I am scared to let go so help me.

I need You.

He’s my whole

I’ve been really busy, stressed, cranky, impatient, messed up and lost the past few weeks and unfortunately, I’ve not been handling it well and as a result my boyfriend has become an emotional punching bag for me. I feel very bad about it and I am truly sorry. But I think what amazes me most is that he has always taken it in very quietly because he’s always put my needs before his and have always tried to be understanding towards my circumstances and situation instead of looking to be understood.
Yeah, he’s beginning to tell me when I’ve gone too far and when I’m overreacting to something so small but tonight I’m truly grateful and appreciative of what he has been in my life for the past (almost) 5 years now.
From the beginning when we were both interested in one another but never acted on it, I was feeling really down about not getting into the poly of my choice, he came to my side and comforted me as a friend. He didn’t abandon me, he stuck to his word.
In the relationship, likewise, never once has he left my side when I needed him the most. When I requested to have him around when I was going through stress when I needed to study, he would be there. He would sacrifice his free time just to be by my side when he could be doing other things.
Now, in filmschool, whenever I need extra hands to help in any shoot I’m doing, he would be there to support me emotionally, physically. I don’t think I’ve shown him how much I’ve appreciated him all this time because I feel I can be super impatient and mean at times 😦 okay I feel really bad now. I really love this boy a lot. Yes I really do. He’s not just my lover, he is my bestfriend too and he is the one who loves my soul completely – good mad, bad mood, beautiful, ugly, happy or sad – he still thinks the best of me. And if anybody can’t be as good as he is for me, then I certainly have been blessed to have found my whole this early in my life. I don’t think I’ve done much in life to deserve someone like him to be honest, what he sees in me is something I don’t see in myself at times (most of the time). Marion’s a gift, he’s wonderful and he’s more than I could ask for.
There were so many moments we both could have gone our separate ways, so many moments I have wanted to throw in the towel and call it quits, but I could never because I’ve realised how deeply in love I have fallen with him and I cannot get over the fact that I am greatly blessed.
I keep no secrets from him. Whatever I tell him, he never judges. If I stray and enter the “dark side”, he doesn’t feel the need to pull me back to the “light” because he knows I know my way, he trusts. Instead, he walks alongside with me and lets me be. When I tell him I’ve made a mistake at the end of it, he just hugs me because he knows I would know and he knows I need no comments, no advice; just comfort. He can be an ass at times, and he can be really irritating (he admits that) but I’d rather have all of him than to have none of him.
So this is to you, my love, if you are reading this – you are wonderful and I am blessed.