Well, I went to town today and got myself a new dress and two new reads.
I am feeling very contented, very relaxed in the past two days that I had no lessons. Not that school is bad, it’s just nice to be away from it once in awhile in exchange for wonderful days like today. I was just supposed to get my dress exchanged, because the one I bought last Christmas from Tangs was ruined. The colour ran while Tita was washing it (and we didn’t even use a strong soap in fear this would happen, we used body foam instead). So Tangs gave us this voucher equal to that of the price of the dress that was ruined in exchange for a new one and it’s valid till the end of the year. So in case I would forget about it over the year, I decided to use my free time today to do it and I got myself a very classy (in my opinion, and in my style) grey patterened dress. Went over to Kinokuniya and told myself I should avoid spending on books again but I failed.. miserably.
I spent on two – The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (recommended by Nikki) and Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. 🙂
Very excited to get started on them but first, I have yet to finish Khaled Hosseini’s And The Moutains Echoed! I love having days like these to catch up on TV shows, Films and Books.
I can’t elaborate further on how contented I feel today.
Oh yes, on top of that, I’ve also updated my playlist with more Ed Sheeran, Bon Iver, The Paper Kites; and Two Door Cinema Club and Gregory and the Hawk as a new addition. Bliss! 🙂
Directing Class was cancelled today and I decided to reorganise my room after taking Cough Mixture which causes drowsiness.
No but really, that wasn’t the point, I just said that for fun.. It just felt good to be coming back to an organised room again. To see my books in place, the way I want to see them. To see my camera stuff all in one cabinet. My clothes arranged by colours.
I’m sort of a freak when it comes to organising things.. I should start getting my life organised too.
But first, I need to organise my remaining assignments and get them done. Dreading it. 😦
Just so you know, after this post, I didn’t get my school assignments organised or whatever, I went/am going to either watch Season 4 of Breaking Bad, read The Fault in Our Stars or Sleep.
Since I’m drowsy… k bye, zZz
I feel so angry inside because I can’t express how upset I really am. I don’t know how to express it. I can’t even reply every one who showed their concern through a simple reply to say they care, because I don’t even know what is there to say.
I think I’m too emotional, too sensitive and therefore dealing with me is messy and I’m scared of letting people get close to me. I don’t want to be left disappointed yet again.
This is just a joke guys –
My AD song should be “gives you hell” especially the bit that goes “When you see my face. Hope it gives you hell” hahahahaha
So I’ve always been that type of person to care too much about how people feel about me or to be considerate of people’s feelings or to feel the need to apologise and make amends when I have wronged them… But lately, I have realised that I no longer want to give a shit. You see, the thing is, if people are going to judge me for suddenly being this bitch, they may continue doing so and forming opinions of me. It is then I know why I shouldn’t care, it’s because if they were really my friends to begin with, they wouldn’t judge, they would accept and if they can’t accept, they would sit down and talk to me nicely out of concern instead of judging.
I have cared way too much and I have held in way too much, and I really don’t give a shit anymore. Even if there are consequences to my action of just simply not giving a shit, so be it, I’ll learn but right now this feels right to me.
Why should I continue to allow people to push me over?
Why should I be a victim of past mistakes?
Why should I be led on to believe they still care when they don’t? And really, it is quite obvious. Who do they take me for? Someone stupid?
I’m no fool, I can tell very clearly when people just simply don’t care and it really bugs me when people act like they do. The pretense bugs me because if you’re gonna secretly hate me, you mind as well be outright about it. It is highly likely that I no longer value their opinions anymore to be bothered by it.
Yes this is an angsty post because something must have happened in my life (probably through an accumulation of a series of bullshit people give me) for me to really stop caring and throw caution to the wind about my actions. People who know me know that I have quite a high tolerance for bullshit “friends” give me and I will always place myself in the party that was at fault just because I believe in apologising first but that doesn’t mean I don’t have limits. I have tried to make amends, I have tried to preserve friendships that I’ve lost, I have made efforts and these people still string me on and pretend to care about preserving it when no, they actually wanna fuck me over. So I have really given up on caring anymore and feeling sad about it. I am moving on in life and I am no longer giving a shit about them. I have shut the door close. Judge for all you want, if that is your entertainment in life, you really have no life then.
Sometimes when I get so upset with things in general, I try to imagine my life as a movie because I wish things could happen in the way I want them to happen in my life. Not that my life isn’t good, it’s filled with wonderful blessings but today, I won’t deny that I am upset and it’s that kind of sadness that makes me want say that “life sucks” with so much thought put into it.