Time management

I’m quite bummed that my documentary didn’t turn out as what I expected it to be but then again, I have no one to blame but myself because I could have managed my time better and hence, producing better results.
Honestly, this was the only portfolio project that I cared for more than the rest. I won’t count the first one only because that was the very first film made and as much as there wasn’t a strong narrative going on cause I didn’t know what filmmaking really was about then, it contains memories of Suzie and I.
I care for this documentary because I want to major in it. And I want to major in it because I feel I could do so much with it, to tell others stories and to be inspired by their stories and create a work of art out of it but not out of exploitation. I don’t wanna throw this pity party for myself and I’m not, I’m just reflecting. But I always tell myself to manage my time properly and I guess I don’t really know how. It’s not enough to say it’s because I’m in a relationship because I suppose there are others who are in serious relationships too that somehow, they manage to get everything done and still spend time with their other halves. But then again, when people say “thank god, I’m not in a relationship. No time man.” It makes me feel that relationships are supposed to take up that much of people’s time. Okay I am having one of those internal debates with myself again.
The thing is, I never regret spending time with my loved ones, I only feel a lot of unrest only because I am aware I have assignments due. I can never be career-driven or work-oriented because I am a family person. But I don’t want to use that to justify why my time management sucks. I just need to find a way to stop procrastinating and I procrastinate only when I feel I can’t handle a task so I freeze there. Everything that is technical about filmmaking is hard for me to grasp. And academic essays which I am relatively alright with is always done on the day before or the day itself only because the word count is daunting. Sighhhhhh this really needs to be worked on. Hmm

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