Ink

I don’t know if you read my blog, I don’t know if you ever want to know about my life anymore or if you know I am talking about you, but I’ll say what has been on my mind. I miss your friendship, very much. And I do care, but not in the way you’ve always wanted me to.

I see your stuff on my newsfeed, on my insta, I may have revealed too much from the information I’ve given and I think you know who you are. I do not know why you’ve pushed yourself away from me. I can only make guesses. Was it my temperament? Was it because you needed to figure yourself out and this friendship wasn’t helping you? Did our friendship torment you in any way? I’m sorry if it did, if it does, and I wish I knew why you disappeared just like that. I wish you would answer all my questions. I want to know about your life still but maybe I am no longer entitled that and maybe you don’t want me in it. Maybe you think whatever I don’t know won’t hurt me but it does, and I’d rather have you tell me the truth then just disappear like that.

I don’t know if I can even talk to you anymore, in any form of communication, because I get that sense that you don’t want me around and I too, am scared of being hurt. I mean, I already am, but I guess I do not know want to know my guesses were right just by observing how you act around me, with me. I’d rather you confirm my guesses with a solid answer so I too would know how to heal from this.

You really do not think you mean anything to me, do you? But that’s because you didn’t want to make that known. But your friendship means something to me and maybe it shouldn’t anymore.

I hope we will talk again someday, and I hope that this time you’re ready to tell me what’s been going on because you left me in a state of bewilderment and partial shock. I hate it when the journey I’ve had with people, end. It rips a fraction of my soul from my heart. And I often find myself trying to fill these cracks with giving more, sometimes less, love to new ones who step foot in my life. Whatever it is, I know I will be okay eventually because I have learnt to survive and adapt, but it doesn’t meant I enjoy doing so. I just learn to trust in something greater than me.

If you are reading this, and if you have discovered this is you I am talking about, I do hope you are okay. I am always wishing the best for you.

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