To start of, I only had 3 hours of lessons today. Technically, it was just for 2 hours because the first hour was used to brief all the Level 3’s about how this semester would be like. Firstly, I got my first choices of Major and Minor – Documentary and Production Design respectively, and as happy as I am to get into my choices, I am filled with a lot of anxiety as well. I know I won’t be solely alone doing my documentary, but this work would be mostly mine and it scares me how little time I have left to secure my documentary subjects as it is compulsory before we pitch our documentary ideas in three weeks time. Well, I had 3 months of break but I wasn’t really doing much first hand research for any documentary, I was only brainstorming ideas. At least that’s something. I know I have to start meeting and finding these subjects as soon as possible, but seriously though, 3 months of carefree days is really hard to say goodbye to.
My timetable doesn’t seem so packed this semester, I guess it’s because we only go for the classes we are majoring and minoring in, and those that we have chosen to sit in for. I have lessons every day but it’s only for a few hours, significantly lesser than in Year 1 and Year 2, but I know that the “free time” would not be free for long as this semester is going to be really fast paced and I think that is what scares me the most. It is really quite exciting, I will admit to that, but the anxiety builds up too as I progress. I know that it has always been my nature to fight through tough times and I don’t give up easily so I know that it is a given that I will definitely get through my final year. The real question is, will I excel in it? I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on myself, and it is not about competing with anyone, and anyway, I don’t see how competing in film school is any competition. I want to do this for myself, that I didn’t come here for nothing, and that I can tell myself that my final year in Lasalle was the best because I worked hard for it and I deserved it. Cause let’s be honest, I was just streaming along in Year 1 and Year 2. I enjoyed making films, but I didn’t feel the need to be as loud in my actions as my peers. But this year’s different, because this year, I am making that conscious decision to put all my blood, sweat and tears in whatever work I do and to put in more than a 100% in the films I will be crewing on because like the lecturers said, our films this year should surpass Year 1 or even Year 2 work – it should be our opportunity to be noticed by this industry and to showcase our works on a greater scale.
I don’t think I regret my choices of Major and Minor, and I want to carry this positive vibe with me throughout this year so that it’ll ripple into everything I work on. Most of all, I pray for sanity in my moments of stress because that moment is not too far away.