I’m supposed to meet my friends in about an hour or so and yet I’m still dragging myself to get ready. I decided to type this post because I think I need an avenue for me to just talk about how I feel in hope it might be a form of remedy for however I feel, whatever this is.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m not happy or excited to see them; it’s just that something has been going on with me in the past few days. This heaviness I feel. It is draining me of all life, of all energy; I don’t know if it’s from shooting my documentary. I thought that shooting it would be exciting, but it hasn’t really been. It could be because I’m in need of a break after a tiring semester in school, it could also be because of the exchange of energies among people around me and I’m also picking up their low spirits and mixing it together with mine. I don’t mean to make this sound depressing – but I feel like crying every day because I feel miserable. I feel like locking myself up in my room and just sleeping the whole day.
I know this isn’t healthy and I need to get myself out of it, but I feel pretty darn pathetic. I don’t have any strength, energy or will in me to help myself. I know I should really take a break, I should take some time away to just catch my breath – but I can’t.