Towards the end of 2014

As 2014 draws to an end, I thought, like all bloggers, that it would be nice to write a post about the past year.

2014 has been a pretty challenging year for me mostly because of school. Aside from the chaotic moments in school, the ending of 2014 was also a pretty mellow one. I know mellow doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad, but 2014 was pretty sad. We had a pretty quiet Christmas, and now we’re having a very quiet New Year’s Eve countdown. This time, none of us, I mean my family, are actually counting down the New Year’s together. For myself, the New Year is a little hard to count down to this year with so much that has gone on this year. With the recent string of plane accidents, and the most recent Air Asia QZ8501, I cannot help but think for the living relatives who are grieving and mourning for their loved ones and the many bodies that are still to be recovered. I know this doesn’t directly affect me, but I can’t help but ponder on the situation. My heart breaks for the loved ones affected, I cannot imagine being in their position, and I definitely cannot see how I would enjoy my New Year when such a tragedy has hit them so hard. Not to forget, MH370 still has yet to be found. How are all these loved ones welcoming the new year with so much that has happened, and so much that they’re grieving for?

I can’t help but wonder sometimes, what am I doing with my life? I often dream of making this world a better place or helping in hard times like this but I am also aware that everybody feels that way temporarily especially when tragedy strikes. Sometimes I feel I should be doing more, but yet on other days when my emotions are completely out of balance, I’m just some kid who’s too sheltered and gets cranky when stressed. It makes me question my own motives and intention. Maybe 2015 is a time for me to realise how can I be a better person. Maybe it’s always been a never ending discovery over the course of many years.

I don’t really make resolutions for the New Year, cause I don’t like to have my goals come with time limits. “Being a better person” shouldn’t be done within a year, it should be a constant. Some of the things I hope that I’ll eventually acheive is peace within myself, so that nothing and no one can affect me. So that I will know my own worth and not have people validate that for me. So that I will know how to handle relationships and work better. I also hope to acheive humility, so that I’ll never lose my way. I also hope I’ll find discipline in myself to keep pursuing these goals, big or small, whether they are for self-improvement or self-fulfilling.

As 2015 is just a few hours away, I also think of my graduation from PSOF that’s just months’ away now, with just another semester left.Β Let’s just say this wasn’t my best semester. It was tiring, rushed and pretty chaotic. But aside from all the bad things I got from this tiring semester, I have also been tremendously blessed with great friendships. I would not have survived a tiring semester without the help, encouragement and kind words of my friends; two of which I would like to personally give special mention – Lucas and Aloy. I have found true friends in these brothers and my only hope is that this friendship will extend beyond our time in Lasalle.

I think of my family and Suzie who has been my true pillar of strength and support and how much has changed, for better or for worse, a change is a change and change is constant. I can’t stop a lot of things from happening but I do sincerely pray for my family’s continued health, and good relationships with one another. That we will always be a family of love.

I think of Marion, my bestfriend and partner. Without him, I wouldn’t grow into the person I am today. We’ve been through so much together and I will never know what the future holds for us but what matters is now. As long as we are together, I will always work towards strengthening our relationship and love. I am especially thankful for his presence in my life, in moments of distress, in celebrating with me in my accomplishments, in his patience during more difficult days and his never-ceasing love.

I think of the Peaceful Warriors – Daffy, Chels, Nick, Bel and Marion. Although we don’t meet up as much but our friendship has always remained. I pray for only goodness in our lives and in troubling times, may we find what we need to find to enable growth, whether individually or as a community, though small.

I think of my dessert buddies – Preet and Nadia. Thank you for all the joy you girls bring in my life. For the times I desperately needed someone to talk to or to just have around for moral support. Thank you for the friendship.

I’m afraid to know what 2015 will bring but I remain hopeful, hopeful that there will be happier news in the year to come.

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