My forever hero

Little girls need the tender strength of their fathers. They need to know that their daddies are strong and will protect them; they need to know that their fathers are for them. Above all, a little girl learns the answer to her Question from her father.

I have been rereading Captivating by Stasi Eldredge in my journey to discover my feminine heart and what God sees in me. And I came across this portion of the book that meant a lot to me. It says in the book, “Little girls want to know, Am I lovely? The twirling skirts, the dress up, the longing to be pretty and to be seen–that is what that’s all about. We are seeking an answer to our Question…Nearly all a woman does in her adult life is fueled by her longing to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her Question answered, “Yes!”

These desires we carry with us when we grow to be women. We want to be captivating, not just in our outer appearances but in our hearts too. Some girls didn’t grow up with a relationship with their fathers, for reasons such as death, or even having left their families at a young age or being in an abusive household etc. I was blessed. I am blessed, to have grown up with a father who was my protector, my hero, and the one who delighted in me for he saw the beauty of my carefree heart as a little kid. When I think of how blessed I am, it makes me sad to know that some didn’t grow up with such a relationship. Not out of pity’s sake, but because my father’s abundant and unceasing love was a reflection of my heavenly father’s love for me. I’m not saying that it means they do not know God’s love or they would never feel God’s love, I’m saying it was easier for me to know of that love because of my earthly father. Just imagine, if my father loves me that much, how much more does my heavenly father love me? It was easier for me to feel God’s love because of that.

My dad is truly an amazing man. I don’t believe in Fathers’ Day, Mothers’ Day or Valentines’ Day because I feel that devoting a day to show your love for the respective parties is stupid when you should be doing that for every day that you are alive and are given the chance to. I am writing this post not because it is Father’s Day but how apt that my readings in Captivating coincides with today’s event. The qualities I would want in a man are the qualities my father possesses because I would want the father of my future kids to have a wonderful, loving, protecting dad like he was towards Chels and I. Even as I grow older, I still call my dad my hero because I still find myself running back to the arms of my daddy whenever I face a crisis or a struggle in life that I can’t solve. As a little girl, I would run to my dad when I was sad about my friendships. As a teenager, I ran to him when the guy I loved broke my heart. As a young lady, I still run to him for the above, the only difference is, I wait til I get so broken and that’s when I need my father’s strength the most. Recently, I ran to him again for I was in real, deep despair and he cradled me in his arms as I cried. I was full of shame. But he smiled at me and told me “I’m happy that you girls are still able to come to me and speak about these problems.” Even in my shame, he took delight in me.

I love you, daddy. My forever hero.

Finally, some light!

  I just got back my results and I am pleased to say that I will be graduating with First Class Honours. I have been waiting anxiously for my results because during my major assessment, one of my lecturers said that I won’t be graded based on my film and how it’s about the process and how I got zero process blah blah blah. And of course, that day was a bad one as I had confronted them too. As a result of my attempt to confront, I started crying because my voice was shaking. But anyway, it feels good to receive that First Class Honours because I feel like I just rubbed it in their faces – those that said I won’t make it.

This is the first time I’ve done well at my final year instead of doing well in my first year and then proceeding to do worst in my final year. I told myself that this time around, my final year has to be it and I am just so overwhelmed with happiness because this is certainly it. My thesis film – without the help of my two good friends in school who are part of my crew, it wouldn’t be as good as what the audience saw. I have a lot to thank them for and I am still very grateful for them despite this being the last time we’ll see each other as much. I am proud of my grades because I know I did work hard for it despite what some of the lecturers may think. Sure my time management could have gone better but I did pull through in the end and whether they believe it was well-deserved or not, I don’t care. Because I know how much I struggled and I’m just so so happy right now.

Thank you, God! Thank you so very much! Thank you for seeing my through the struggles. All those nights I stayed up crying, panicking, needing Marion by my side as I worked through the night. All those nights when all I did was just write and write and write my 8K word dissertation. All those days I came home tired and emotionally drained from shooting my docu because the subjects proved challenging. All those curved balls that life threw at me. It was all worth it. And now I can cry tears of joy. I am so grateful. Thanks to all who saw this through with me – God, My Family, Marion, Lucas, Aloy, Nadia, Preet, Marilyn, Daffy and Nick. And thank you all who prayed for me in my time of struggle.