Lotus

The Lotus is the most beautiful flower, whose petals open one by one. But it will only grow in the mud. In order to grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the mud — the obstacles of life and its suffering. … The mud speaks of the common ground humans share, no matter what our stations in life. … Whether we have it all or have nothing, we are all faced with the same obstacles: sadness, loss, illness, dying and death. If we were to strive as human beings to gain more wisdom, more kindness, and more compassion, we must have the intention to grow as a lotus and open each petal one by one.

– Goldie Hawn

Lately, I have been doing a lot of self-reflection and I’ve realised the person I want to grow into. I want to never forget how to be giving with my time, to be compassionate, empathetic and understanding of people’s situtations, to be forgiving and to be gentle with tenderness. For the longest time, I’ve held on to anger and bitter resentment over things that have hurt me in the past. I’ve closed myself up from the people who had the potential to hurt me again and I’ve distanced myself a little too far. Today, I broke down some of these walls – because I no longer want to live in that fear of being hurt. The price we pay for love is our vulnerability and the price we pay for our vulnerability is potential hurt. And to be honest, I am scared to be hurt again. But I am opening each petal one by one and because God loves me, therefore I love others. And even if I fear, I know God will take care of my heart.

“There is no need to hold on to my past for it it is over and done with. I let go of any hurt, anger or resentment that I’ve held on to. I accept my past for what it is. I release myself from the brokenness of my past. I let go of all negative experiences and I no longer allow them to have power over me. I am grateful for all the lessons I have learnt through my past experiences. Today, I make peace with my past and tomorrow and every other day, and I begin to live in the present moment, which is all there ever is.”

I met up with an old friend today and we talked over sushi for lunch, and tea. I’ve realised how much we’ve both grown and how much things have changed. Although we no longer have that same friendship we had as kids, we found ourselves laughing at the ditzy moments as if it were that same friendship many years ago, but yet somehow different. Before I initiated the meet up, I was always afraid to even ask, despite having days where I would reminise the good times we shared. But when I finally did, it felt good – really good. Nothing much has changed yet so much has. It was easy to still hold a conversation like nothing changed, but yet the fact that we have grown separately remains unchanged – we were well-aware that this isn’t the friendship that it used to be … but that’s a good thing.

What our friendship was like back when we were young and stupid, held some of the best memories I’ve ever had but it also held some of the most painful ones. Like any relationship that has gone sour, people eventually learn to let go and move on but when their paths cross once more, they find themselves enjoying what has become of that soured friendship. You appreciate how they’ve grown, and how your grown up selves are able to still talk and that they still care. Sometimes people are no longer meant to be the biggest part of a person’s journey, their roles change from one of highest importance to one that you just meet once in a blue moon. They impart a little bit of themselves to you – whatever their strongest trait has to offer; love, compassion, wisdom etc.

Today, I am grateful for the meet up and for the honest conversations. We didn’t talk about our mistakes in the past, instead, we laughed at the good times and asked about our present day lives. I found that I didn’t or rather no longer, concerned myself with fixing what was broken, but enjoying what was left of the broken pieces and realising it’s not so bad afterall. My heart is pleased.

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