Letters to You

Dear Suzie,

We’re on our way home and I can’t help but to think of you. The grief is overwhelming again. I’m thinking about how you won’t be there at the gate. I can’t erase your face from my memory. Sometimes I close my eyes and all I can see is you. I cannot help but wonder if you are talking to me still. If you’re telling me you’re alright and that you’re free. I miss you so much. I need to keep writing everytime I think of you. It’s how I deal with losing you. It was a nice day out. We managed to laugh and we smiled as we talked about you and in those moments, the grief isn’t so bad. But it’s moments like right now where the grief becomes overwhelming again. Look how you’ve impacted our lives. You left paw prints in our hearts. I cannot stop thinking about you. In the morning, I went into your room to lie by Tita’s side. We started to cry again. She told me how she heard the karang guni and she started to think of you. Everytime the karang guni horned, you’d growl before you bark even while you’re lying down. It’s so funny and so adorable too. But we didn’t hear that today. We started to miss you again. Not like the missing ever stopped. It’s been 1 day since you’re gone. I’m still quite scared to sleep at night. I fear sleeping on my own because I feel so empty and lonely without you. I fear waking up the next morning. But my body keeps wanting to rest, besides what good will it do me for me to stay awake and remember how you’re no longer around. We are trying our best to slowly cope with losing you. It’s gonna take some time. But I don’t want to forget you. I’m scared once the grief is over that we might think less of you. I don’t know what to feel. Immense sadness maybe. I need you to walk by my side again and to help us in our grief. Help us, Suzie. We love you.

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