I found myself thinking of you again when today’s shoot is coming to an end. I was planning something special for you and I don’t know why I started to feel that grief again. Hearing people’s replies touched me but more than that, I just still can’t believe you’re gone. My heart feels especially heavy today. I don’t know if it’s the sad weather. I don’t even know how long will my letters go on. I just know that I need to write whenever I start to feel this way again, or I’d lose my mind.
Sometimes I close my eyes, and I see your face of the last time I ever saw you. I saw how life drained from your eyes. Other times, I see a happier you. The face you gave me when you greet me in the morning or when I come home. Sometimes the grief isn’t as bad and I’m able to take it a day at a time. But days like today, I just feel like I need to start taking deep breaths again. I feel like I’m about to break down again. I really miss your company and your very existence. I miss you. 😦