My dearest Suzie,
They say that when you lose someone you love to death, time will make it better but you’ll never be the same again. Instead, you’ll learn to live with the pain. It’s been close to a week now. I was listening to Kodaline’s All I want on the way to shoot and I thought of you. Although it’s a song for a romantic love, it’s adaptable to you.
All I want is nothing more
Than to hear you knocking at my door
‘Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die a happy (person) I’m sure
When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side
I have a life ahead of me and it’s probably silly to think this way – but I kind of wish I could join you that soon. Since you left us, I no longer care about what others think of me. What more can I lose? I’ve already lost you, the only one that mattered the most. I know that grief shouldn’t work that way. That we can’t stop loving people just because we lost someone important in our lives. I know my heart has many rooms and that should be okay. But your room was the biggest suite in my heart. Now it’s an empty suite.
When we had you, my life was filled with so many colours, hues, tints, saturations. Imagine what it’s like now? Dull colours. On the bright side (see what I did there, Suzie), at least there’s still some colours.
I miss you, sweetheart. I wish you didn’t have to leave us so soon. I’m still wishing you never had that heart murmur or any other illness. It’s a hopeless wish, one I can’t do anything about. Help me, Suzie. Help us.