I never thought talking about you again on the day you passed away, would make me cry again. I keep wanting to hold you. I miss you so terribly. The ache is immense. My natural instinct would be to run to you and hug you whenever I felt that way. I would hug you or lay near you until I felt better. You were a small dog but your company made me feel better than anyone else’s company. I’d choose you resting your head on my lap as I cry over any hug from people any day.
I wish I could have that now. I am emotionally exhausted again from crying. I have the house to myself right now and I couldn’t help but to cry. I haven’t had time to myself to grieve and now I do. I honestly miss you so much.
This year has been so hard. We went through so much together. Your health took a turn for the worse and that was the start of a trying period. School didn’t help. I don’t regret not going for my grad trip or not having a job immediately after graduation. These 5 months I’ve spent with you in the house were the best. It was necessary. I know some people will never understand what it feels like to lose a pet, and worse, they don’t get how we can cry for an animal. But you weren’t just an animal, you were a part of this family and my bestest friend and the truest love.
I have lost a bit of my mind, I admit. But I’m gonna fight it and pick myself up again. Please guide me, Suz. Give me a sign that you’re okay and happy in heaven. I need you to help me through this. I have much I need to do and want to do in memory of you – guide me. Don’t leave my side. Give me a sign that you’re still near spiritually. I love you.