Walking about in the house

Collage 007

Dear Suzie,

I’ve been saving all your photos from my Facebook to my desktop from when you were just a pup to your older self. While I was making a collage of your pictures arranged by theme, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling and then the next thing I knew, I just began to sob. I miss you so much. I know the time of the month is a factor for how emotional I am right now, but deep down in my heart, it weighs heavy and all I want to do is just hug you. I get these urges to want to run to where you’d be in the house, to look for you and bend down to kiss you and hug you for a good few minutes. As I type this, I’m starting to tear again.

The above collage is the one got me all so emotional and weepy again. These pictures were taken from just outside and inside my room. I tried to capture how you’d walk into my room and I can vividly remember how. I almost expected you to walk in just about now – you’d walk in so casually like it’s your typical business day to do so. You wouldn’t even stop to look at me, sometimes you’d just walk straight to the windows and look out for a long while before you walk back to my side and just rest under my chair. I really miss you. Today, my heart just feels the weight of that ache a lot more.

*Deep breaths.

Suzie, I love you. I miss you every day. And every day since your passing just makes me love you more. It’s stupid and strange but the ache of missing you makes me love you more and more. It won’t stop growing. Your very presence follows me around everywhere like a phantom. I can still hear you, I can still smell you, I can almost feel your touch at times. I’m still trying to cope with your loss. Despite how emotional I have been these days, I’ve also been very angry inside. I imagine that on bad days like today, you’d be resting your head on my lap already because that’s your way of calming me down and making me feel better. You were the calm in my storm. I just miss you.

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